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Rihanna Named ‘Sexiest Woman Alive’ (This Time It’s Real)

Remember back in September when a YouTube video and editorial shots from Esquire magazine of a greased-up and nude Rihanna surfaced on the internet, alongside text that read “The Sexiest Woman Alive”? The images and video were quickly yanked from the web and the news that actress Katrina Bowden had in fact earned herself the coveted title left us all a little confused.

Now, the men’s magazine has published a lengthy story, re-released the pulse-raising promotional video and revealed a racy editorial spread all in honor of RiRi, who is apparently also the sexiest woman alive. Hey, there’s room for more than one!

“Doesn’t really dance. She exhibits ‘moves,’ sure. She dips. Marches. Stalks. Straddles the barrel of a giant pink cannon. Jogs occasionally. But it’s not dancing. Altogether it amounts to choreographed oozing,” Esquire wrote of the Armani model and self-proclaimed “bad b—-” who “smells like coconut and vanilla.”

The X-rated flattery continued with a description of a reoccurring bit from Rihanna’s Loud tour live shows. “She picks a member of the audience to have simulated sex with. She guides the subject over to the platform in the middle of the stage. She commands the subject to lie back. She straddles the subject. She grinds. This part is not simulated. At this moment, in this room, she is the essence of F—.”

But when asked about her overtly-seductive image, the sexiest woman alive seemed to suffer from a serious lack of self-awareness. “Honestly, even if it comes across sexual — it has to be a part of my subconscious thought. It’s never deliberate in the rest of the show,” she shared. Sure, RiRi.

Do you think Rihanna is the sexiest woman alive? Read the full ode-to-RiRi and see the photos here, and watch the ‘We Found Love‘-featuring promotional video of topless Rihanna covered in dirt below!

Watch Rihanna’s Promotional Video for Esquire

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