Miss Rap Supreme: Ain’t All Love
Yesterday, VH1 premiered Ego Trip’s new reality show ‘Miss Rap Supreme,’ a follow-up to last years’ triumphant ‘The (White) Rapper Show.’ Although there was surprisingly little sex toy action in this first episode, ‘Miss Rap Supreme’ appears to be equally as cringe-worthy and addictive.
Live from the “Fembassy Suites Hotel,” which beats out last year’s digs, if only for the “Foxy Brown Suite” and the “pool,” the girls immediately begin drinking, fighting and…playing truth or dare. Which shouldn’t have been surprising because isn’t reality TV all about girls with upper lip piercings making out anyway?
“Chiba and Byata’s chemisty was explosive from day one,” eccentric billionaire and Ego Trip founder Ted Bawno told the BoomBox. “It’s one of those things that you can’t script. Their feelings were mutual and natural. Hip hop hooray!”
The contestants ranged from obnoxious (most of them) to cute but tragically untalented (several of them) to ‘My Neck, My Back (Lick It)’ rapper Khia, who looks like a combination of Lil Wayne and a sea monster, yet the show’s hosts, MC Serch and Yo-Yo somehow managed to evaluate the performances commendably.
Chiba won a special golf visor for best performance, coming off like the lost member of Hieroglyphics, rhyming about her “third eye” and a bunch of other stuff no one cares about. They all then took a break to cry for a while about something, which gave us time to consider Serch’s wardrobe. This year it’s less Ecko, more used car salesman. Yo-Yo didn’t say much, but her eye shadow spoke volumes; mostly “Cosmetologist from the year 1986.”
Since aptly named Nicky2states’ team lost a competition that included embarrassing themselves in front of white sorority girls, a black beauty salon and some nuns, they faced an elimination round. They mostly dressed like Lilith Fair performers for this round, especially Byata, who rocked some kind of bell-bottom thing and may or may not be a member of Tegan and Sara or John Mayer Trio.
The elimination then came down to Khia, who donned a giant gathered diaper-dress, and Lioness. Khia did some bizarre nursery rhyme spoken word thing during which she spelled out the letters “R-E-S-P-E” several times. RSVP? Confusing. Yo-Yo was straight Paula Abdulin’ at this point, so it was up to Serch to play the Simon role and kick ‘em to the curb. Unfortunately Serch wore his hi-waters and golf socks that day. Also, he opted to save Khia from elimination in the first round, which was probably a good move.
Catch Miss Rap Supreme next Monday at 10pm for more from the Fembassy Hotel, because, as the mysterious Bawno tells us “The ego trip owned resort where all the action takes place-is the perfect getaway for those in the mood for love.”
Also, catch bitter would-be contender Hedonis da Amazon’s Yoyo dis here: www.myspace.com/hedonisdaamazon