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Action Bronson Plays Food Critic in ‘VICE Eats’

A trained chef before fortuitously breaking his leg and trying his hand at rap in his downtime, it would be a crime for VICE not to give Action Bronson his own food show. For ‘VICE Eats,’ the likable Queens rapper travels the world with various dining companions to try out different eateries — from halal stands to Michelin star restaurants — around the globe.

In the premiere episode, Bam Bam invites his equally charming friend and frequent skit man Big Body Bes to dine at New York City’s two-Michelin-star seafood restaurant, Marea, where chef Michael White hooked them up with a luxury six-course meal. In a dimly-lit private room, the burly Queens natives feasted on fusilli with octopus and bone marrow, hand-made lamb agnolotti and five types of dessert.

Needless to say, the food received all five stars from the boys. The only thing better than the grub might have been Bronson and Bes’ quotes. Here are our favorites:

“Yo, I’ll slap the s–t out of someone’s father right now.”

“It’s like f–king a Taiwanese virgin.”

“These shrimp right here? Yo, this s–t got me ready to f–k.”

“This ain’t no Red Lobster s–t, son.”

“We at Marea. Michael White done chef-ed some s–t up.”

“This is the most extravagant, delicious thing I’ve ever had in my life.”

[To Chef] “Have my mother on a plate.”

“It tastes like straight gold bars.”

“I don’t even know what this is right here but this s–t’s good.”

“Motherf–kers aren’t cooking like this.”

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